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Forgiveness Smiles

I was once a recipient of the toxic sayings: “What goes on in the house, stays in the house,” and an even better one, “What goes on in the family, stays in the family.” Wisdom has brought me a long way from those times when I was governed by hurting adults. I’m so happy to remind myself - and share with others - that these sayings are lies from the pit of hell. Pain, like history for most people, seems better to avoid than heed. But, when what’s going on inside a person hurts so much, it is time to confront the pain from secret wombs. When left unconfronted, the pain grows.

How can any adult tell a child not to speak up about something that’s hurting them? The adult has to be hurting somewhere in their life, as well. Since misery loves company, hurting people hurt other people unintentionally and intentionally. So, a suffering adult will tell a child the lie, “What goes on in the family, stays in the family.” These lies are actually set-ups for destruction; a curse on families for generations to come. The child(ren) grows up hearing it consistently, then tells their child(ren) the same lies, which continually repeat, until some brave person in the family - with tenacious faith - decides to boldly call out the lie for what it is, sending it back where it came from in the name of Jesus.

As a very young child I began hearing these sayings like clock work. One of my favorite female superheros (who I spent a lot of time with, truly admired and loved so much) believed these lies, spread them, and enforced them. Late one night, I overheard my mom yell out to my favorite superHERO “get out.” Only to see my superHERO, that very next day, move all his stuff out of our house onto the back of a truck. This HERO I clung to and truly adored. We did everything together; we cooked, we cleaned, went for car rides, got ready for school together, and he did drop-off and pick-up for me at school. I was his little shadow. So why would my loving mom make my awesome superHERO go away?

Once my superHERO went away, I only saw him half of the time. And once he got into a new relationship, remarried, and had 2 more children, I only saw him an even lower percentage of half of the time. And this is when I started getting left sitting on the porch steps waiting and waiting for my dad…who never showed up, but promised to come pick me up time and time again. How could I go from seeing a person all the time to only a low percentage of sometimes when his new children got to see him all the time? It just didn’t seem right or fair. It bothered me so bad and I needed someone to blame for the pain I carried around inside of me. I couldn’t tell anyone how I was feeling because “What goes on in the house, stays in the house,” just like “What goes on in the family stays in the family.” So I thought it must have been my mom’s fault. Because of that misplaced anger, I rebelled against her like no other. Ironically, I was disrespecting and rebelling against the one who did it all and would go to war for my older brother and me. My older brother became my new superHERO after my old superHERO went away. Even with a new awesome superHERO who was like a dad to me, I was still in pain and continued to rebel against my mom.

“What goes on in the family, stays in the family,” is a code within the families who make use of it. Because it can seem like family is all you have, so there can be high pressure to stick together. Whatever happens within the immediate and extended family is only that family’s one else’s. Therefore, there is to be no leakage of any family info from any family members whatsoever. This caused me to remain quiet, afraid to speak up or share my voice. But, here’s the thing, something was wrong. I was being battered from the inside by the horrible whispers of the hurt so I wouldn’t upset anyone. These unvalued family heirlooms that had been passed down from generation to generation were crippling my family tree. Sadly it took me many years, a grown adult myself, to realize it was all a big lie. I had been scammed and I was telling my children many toxic lies too. And it wasn’t my grandmother, my mom or my dad’s fault. It was the thief, that wicked, evil thief who ONLY comes to steal and kill and destroy. Satan is a very clever liar. He is called the “Father of Lies” for a reason.

So I decided to be brave and speak up about what was hurting me. I may have made some family members upset, but God has called each of us to live abundant and free. So why would I settle for shame by holding onto and living under a curse that was affecting my everyday life? I had to let it out! When I learned my family history I began to learn about myself, then forgive myself, and correct my thoughts and ways of doing things. That led to my children's correction of thoughts and ways of doing things. I also realized my past was a story that I did not have to be embarrassed about. It’s a testimony to tell. Which is what the Father wants each of His children to do...tell our testimonies!! (see verse below.) That is hope to others so they know they are not alone. God can help them too, if they’ll allow Him the opportunity. Therefore, what goes on in the house does not need to stay in the house. Especially when you are being battered inside from secret pains that can risk your life, health, and relationship with God to keep family members happy.

And they have conquered him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, for they loved not their lives even unto death. Revelation 12:11

Come and hear, all you who fear God, and I will tell what he has done for my soul. Psalm 66:16

There’s an amazing quote credited to George Santayana that states: “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.” I am so grateful God brought me to a place of “being still” so I could remember and examine my past to find and understand these lies I was regularly dating that caused me to aimlessly circle around and around in a miserable lonely wilderness for years. When I stopped carrying the dead weight of these burdens I thought I had to carry because of these sayings, I started feeling better. I let Jesus carry them for me and my growth to a better me burst forth. I also had to repent to God and apologize to my mom. Thank God for her loving heart! She had already forgiven me before I asked for forgiveness. Sounds like the amazing heart of some One else I know. In the midst of all of this I found my actual favorite HERO of all. His name is Almighty GOD. And He forgave me too.(smile)

To God be the glory!


LaKeisha has 3 amazing kiddos who bring her daily joy and laughter. They have a spoiled Yorkie name Ben, Guinea pig name Mold, & 4 fish. She enjoys encouraging others, making desserts, listening to music, & lounging around the house in her PJs. LaKeisha is a professional house cleaner but desires to be a counselor.

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