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WHOLE My Way vs. WHOLE God’s Way

When you look in the mirror do you see a broken or a WHOLE you?

Do you feel unseen, unattractive, out of place and basically abnormal? Do you feel like you're in a season of life that’s beating you down and your life is blah, blah, blah? Are you using two of the most famous lines, “I’m fine” or “I’m good” in an attempt to convince yourself? Are you disguising yourself with a smile and a worldly beauty to ease the inner pain because you’re in search of real hope to be WHOLE?

Well… I was once in a season multiplied by seasons of life’s punches that overwhelmed me. And I would go even further to say, they manipulated me. I used those two famous lines, “I'm fine” and “I'm good”, when I really wasn’t. I disguised myself with a smile and covered myself with the worldly definition of beauty to make myself feel WHOLE.

I didn’t know my true birthright. The truth is, I was born blessed. So my only need was to simply live in that blessing of being me. But I was unaware of that knowledge. That’s how life’s situations made a slave out of me and they controlled me, my attitude and my actions. I conformed and took on a different identity. A worldly identity to fit in and feel normal by “fixing” myself. Because when I looked in the mirror I was looking at a broken me. A broken me that wanted to put all my shattered pieces back together to feel WHOLE to myself and look WHOLE to others. I badly wished to have a perfect Kim Kardashian figure with Jennifer Lopez wardrobe. I also wanted music artist Rihanna’s fancy hairstyles. I wanted Jada Pickett’s flawless skin. I wanted a hip marriage like Beyoncé. I wanted my bank account to look like Oprah Winfrey’s, and I wanted to be cool and well known like Nicki Minaj. As I tried and tried to have what all these people had, the real, authentic and unique me faded into the background. Therefore, I kept falling prey to my own dysfunctional way-of-doing-things and became bitter.

I got caught in an identity crisis, a dark whirlwind that caused me to spiral downward. I was insecure and was the biggest complainer. Everything was everyone else’s fault, not mine. I cared less about correction and for one to try to correct me, it was to declare war. I would spray them down with all kinds of nasty words to defend my brokenness. That caused me to grow a big selfish appetite designed to satisfy me, me, me. That appetite growled louder and louder over the things of God. I was far from having a desirable relationship with Him. Therefore, I gobbled down instant gratification in the lonely, dark, blackhole Satan lured me into - where it was easy to be obsessed with some of our world’s top known bad habits. Most people don’t get help for these until it’s way past bad. Top known habits like: sex, taking pills, drugs, drinking alcohol, partying, getting piercing, tattoos, over eating, under eating, sweets, junk food/fast food, shopping, hoarding, working extended hours, nail biting, thumb sucking, compulsive picking, fidgetiness, over exercising, gaming, gambling, being on social media, gossiping and bullying. Some of these things I chose. And they became very habitual, invaded my time and overtook my days. They helped me drown out my reality. My fatal attraction to these habits caused me to grow in anxiety if I didn’t entertain them.

According to Google, the meaning of habit is: “a settled or regular tendency of practice, especially one that is hard to give up”. This means a habit can control a person. Sadly anything that has control over someone becomes their idol, which means it becomes their god. The problem is there’s only one God! My picks of escape were only bringing temporary relief. The stiffest Henn & Coke, the best mixed cocktails, the best bedrock relationship with social media and reality TV shows, the perfect security blanket of sweets (sugar), the biggest yearn to shop myself until I was broke, and the best nights of passion couldn’t fix and definitely couldn’t heal. Truth was foggy, while sin was ecstasy. Each attempt at escape left me more numb and more blinded from the truth.

The more I continued to give into Satan’s lies, the more I spiraled downward in his dark pit where I was deceived to believe I must stay there. My bad habits to gain comfort were actually forms of getting high. And embracing numbness seemed like a great time. It was my happy place compared to how I felt in the pit. Because I was so far from God’s plan for my life, I couldn’t hear Him. I didn’t know I was being seduced into this crafty scheme of the enemy. A scheme I was actually trapped in. My choices kept me incarcerated, crippled by that lying four letter word--F.E.A.R.-- so that I wouldn’t know my worth, aka my true birthright.

Full of repentance and later accepting Jesus Christ into my life as my Lord and Savior, God helped me to eventually grab hold of His truth found in Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV):

“For I know the plans I have for you (LaKeisha),” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

God helped me to enter a timeout--a fast. A timeout away from what I wanted so I could sit with Him and hear what He wanted. He guided me through owning my brokenness so He could heal it. It was then He was able to help me see that His son, my big brother Jesus, makes me WHOLE. I could not make myself WHOLE . WHOLE as He helps me look at what He did on the cross. And that helped me grab hold of His mercy, grace, salvation, peace and freedom despite all my desires and ungodly feelings and situations. Of course no one can ever be completely WHOLE this side of heaven. But, He helps me stay focused on my own uniqueness so I can live with purpose and do the assignments He gives my life. With my mind, body, and spirit now in harmony with Him and His plan for my life, I can keep looking to Him as my source for strength to rise above and be a beautiful light of encouragement to others. Even though I am broken, I am WHOLE in Jesus Christ.

“Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

JOHN 8:32 (NIV)

“Then Jesus told his disciples, If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.”


Go Be Blessed!



LaKeisha has 3 amazing kiddos who bring her daily joy and laughter. They have a spoiled Yorkie name Ben, Guinea pig name Mold, & 4 fish. She enjoys encouraging others, making desserts, listening to music, & lounging around the house in her PJs. LaKeisha is a professional house cleaner but desires to be a counselor.

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